How I Stay Sober

Dear George,

You ask what I do to sustain my recovery. The answer is longer than I could fit into a note, thus this letter.

1. One of the reasons I stay sober, is that I do not want to have to get sober again. Getting sober is a precarious business at best.

2. One of the images you gave us years ago was the picture of denial as a form of vegetation that could not be eliminated­—only cut back. I got it that I could not control when and in what form my denial system would take when it came back—but that it inevitably would. The way I chose to keep denial at bay was to make a commitment to myself to go to at least one AA meeting a week regardless of how I felt. And, I’ve pretty much done that for over 24 years now. That’s not to say that denial doesn’t kick in; it still does regularly—usually in the form of “Susan, you really were a light case, you know. You could get away with a little drinking—especially with all the work you’ve done on yourself.” So, I go to a meeting and listen for or seek out someone with similar experiences.

3. I try to stay “in the middle” of AA which usually involves some sort of service commitment. I learned this to be especially helpful at one point when I was carried through a tough time. My mother died very suddenly and the bottom fell out of my sobriety. I had eighteen years, but suddenly didn’t care. However, I had coffee and jail commitments, a sober knitting group and two women coming over to my house to go over the steps. The connections of this kind helped me through.

4. I try to keep in touch with newcomers and sponsor other women. It keeps it “green”, brings me closer to being able to remember how tough it was and gives me a sense of purpose and community.

5. I listen carefully to people who had some time and relapsed. I try to learn from them. I’ve come to realize I will never be completely immune to the possibility of relapse and need to remain ever vigilant.

6. I look at AA as my medication. That means I don’t have to like it, I just have to take it. I don’t like the taste of aspirin, but if I have a headache, I will take it. I have alcoholism so I take the medication that has had the best results for long-term sobriety. That’s not to say that I don’t like meetings because I usually do, but that I don’t have to for them to be useful.

7. I remember that life is precious and short.

8. I try to remain grateful. When I do begin to forget how far I’ve come, I look at old journals or talk to someone who’s known me for a long while. I remind myself that I now have a way of life that is worth protecting. I look at how much bigger my world has become.

In gratitude,

Susan

Former Kolmac Clinic Patient